Essay Feedback:
Text comment from turnitin marking:
'This is a very good submission so far although I think you over-rely a little on a few authors rather than a more extended amount of research. You could try reading some of Foucault's work on control and surveillance and make this relate to graphic design. Also, Stephan Miles wrote a book called Consumerism: as a way of life... in this there is a section on the role of design informing consumerist practices. Perhaps, you could read some into branding towards youth audiences too? This way you can suggest ways that brands become a primary concern to people.'
Tutor feedback points:
- Change speech marks to quote marks.
- Summarise and paraphrase long quotes, more effective to have own interpretation, can't just rely on long quotes.
- I need to triangulate more between different texts.
- The introduction is to broad - state discussion points - be obvious - why is it of value?
- The conclusion needs to be more of a review in summary - extend what is already there.
- Look at the suggest texts
This feedback is really important to help me edit and produce a better quality essay. The main thing that I need to focus on is having more sources of research to triangulate between, I have been suggested two books that I could potentially use. I also need to make sure that I am supporting points with evidence as well as interpreting. This is something I will need to put some time aside for, but at least the basis of the essay is there, so hopefully it shouldn't be too complicated.
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